1 1/2

I have come to realize just how important and essential closure is for me. Some are content with not knowing- they can continue on with their lives not living or feeling any different than before. And others, like myself, keep themselves up for hours, cry, drive themselves absolutely insane because we were not given that closure. By closure I dont just mean they tell you what went wrong, or what happened so forth and so on, I actually mean you get to ask any question you would like to *them. You can cry, you can put forth your two cents worth, and they just listen. Due to not receiving this closure, I have seriously lost years off of my life just wondering and hurting, and for the first time in years I just spoke.
cried
yelled
inquired
listened
I for once wasnt concerned with their impression of me, nor about my madness that became evident from stuffing the emotion away for so long.
he listened.
he responded.
I think I can finally move on.


I felt so sick to my stomach this morning when I woke up.
I was sincerely and truly heartbroken.
I didnt get the response I wanted, however I finally got a real one.
There are still somethings that I dont think will ever be answered however I know what the next step is.

I need to walk away.
just
walk

I can't just stand around, wonder, imagine, and make these unrealistic fairy tales in my mind anymore. Because they are simply UNREALISTIC.

I need to stop daydreaming and live for right now and what is ACTUALLY occurring.

I make things up in my head, notions I would ideally like, situations I would love to take place, people I can only imagine meeting, and as sweet and lovely as that all sounds, it's pretend, and we are not in 3rd grade anymore. I'm "becoming an adult" and this fantasy shit obviously wont due anymore.

Some may say it's a part of who you are- you're imagination that is. And I do believe that, but somethings gotta give.

I'm here.

REAL.

PRACTICAL

NOW.