I think sometimes we put ourselves in positions specifically to get hurt. sounds absurd. yes. its agreed, it is absurd. ridiculous. we like to be hurt. we like knowing that that feeling still exists. we thrive off of butterflies, mystery, nausea, nerves, and hopelessness, of that what if. we like it. you can argue that these all account as misery and that many of our "worst" moments accompanied these feelings. overwhelming right? but they were our best. those were the days those are the days we live off of, " too good to be true" i find myself putting, intentionally putting myself in those cases. why? why do i still surround myself with individuals who have sincerely killed my insides? because that feeling of misery, mystery, and the 'what if' gets my heart pumping, my nerves thrilling. is it possible to enjoy "testing the water?" when we were kids the "dont do that" inevitably triggered the "im going to do it." we did it. it hurt. we liked it.
we'll never admit it. i wont either. i will never admit that i liked being heart broken, confused, raging. but what's funny is that is what we remember. in all those graduation speeches you hear they go as follows: " and remember all the trivial drama, that boy that broke your heart, the friend that left, the ridicule and embarrassing moments" and then every ones eyes pour. yes. we. like. it. we find ourselves missing it-hence the tears flooding.
its why the girl goes for the assholeshecantfigureoutthattreatsherlikeshitandmakeshercrythebadboythatgiveshertheworstandBESTtimesofherlife.
it all makes sense.
im currently and consciously putting myself through the same thing right now and that's how i am able to write this. i know im deranged. but ill look back and will realize it was all worth it and i liked that
pain.
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